A relationship is only as strong as the partners that contribute to that relationship. When it becomes necessary to strengthen and improve a relationship, both partners need to look inward.
Many relationships fail when the insecurities of one or both partners overpower that relationship. While insecurities can take on many forms, most typically derive from two basic fears: (1) fear of loss of the other or (2) fear of loss of one's identity. Let's take a closer look at both.
Fear of loss of the other half of your relationship
A relationship must be built on trust and mutual security. When one or both of the couple is driven by a fear of a loss of the relationship, the typical result is controlling behavior. Examples of this would be negative emotions such as blame, denial, resentment, defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal of emotions to name a few. In fact, these controlling behaviors will never improve a relationship. To the contrary, they will destroy the relationship.
Fear of loss of one's identity
When one or both partners fears that the relationship itself is a threat to self identity, little of value can survive. Out of a false sense of survival, partners will again try to control the other by manipulation. Again, insecurity is the driving force that takes over, manifesting itself in negative, controlling emotions.
A couple who is committed to improve a relationship can do so only by looking inward.
Looking inward means defining one's own needs and taking personal responsibility for those needs.
Only by feeling secure with one's self can that individual be secure in any relationship. Security simply cannot stem from a complete dependence on one's partner.
If your true desire is to improve a relationship, begin first by looking within yourself. Respect yourself. Trust yourself. Take responsibility for yourself. Replace insecurity with security.
Ultimately, you - not your partner - are the master of your own happiness … or your own unhappiness.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Achieving Balance in a Relationship
A balanced relationship exists when a couple successfully blends togetherness with independence. Simply put, balance in a relationship means committing to a partner, committing as a partner, and committing to one's own individual needs.
Commitment is not a score card. It is not about measuring who gives more to the relationship. Commitment, and ultimately balance in a relationship, is achieved when the relationship is meeting both shared needs and individual needs.
A relationship is only as strong as the sum of its partners. When a couple sacrifices their unique identities in favor of total togetherness, the relationship will weaken and eventually fail. While everyone longs for the intimate bonds of a meaningful relationship, we must not forget that we have individual needs and individual connections that must be met. If we cannot meet our own needs, how is it possible to meet the needs of a relationship?
None of this is about selfishness. To the contrary, it is about growing and prospering individually and together. Balance in a relationship is, in fact, a reflection of balance in one's life.
Achieving balance means beginning with one's self.
Do you appreciate yourself? Do you respect what you want to accomplish as a person, or do you feel compelled to sacrifice your needs for your partner's?
Are you comfortable enough in your own life to enjoy your partner's individually? Do you respect your partner's needs?
Do you desire that both of you should achieve success both individually and as a pair?
A partner cannot fulfill all needs. A couple must appreciate and respect each other's needs. Balance in a relationship is achieved when a couple respects that individual needs and shared needs are not competitors - they are the perfect blend.
Commitment is not a score card. It is not about measuring who gives more to the relationship. Commitment, and ultimately balance in a relationship, is achieved when the relationship is meeting both shared needs and individual needs.
A relationship is only as strong as the sum of its partners. When a couple sacrifices their unique identities in favor of total togetherness, the relationship will weaken and eventually fail. While everyone longs for the intimate bonds of a meaningful relationship, we must not forget that we have individual needs and individual connections that must be met. If we cannot meet our own needs, how is it possible to meet the needs of a relationship?
None of this is about selfishness. To the contrary, it is about growing and prospering individually and together. Balance in a relationship is, in fact, a reflection of balance in one's life.
Achieving balance means beginning with one's self.
Do you appreciate yourself? Do you respect what you want to accomplish as a person, or do you feel compelled to sacrifice your needs for your partner's?
Are you comfortable enough in your own life to enjoy your partner's individually? Do you respect your partner's needs?
Do you desire that both of you should achieve success both individually and as a pair?
A partner cannot fulfill all needs. A couple must appreciate and respect each other's needs. Balance in a relationship is achieved when a couple respects that individual needs and shared needs are not competitors - they are the perfect blend.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Replacing Relationship Problems with Relationship Solutions
All relationships are tested. Relationship problems are not exclusive to troubled relationships. To the contrary, healthy relationships are indeed strengthened with time as a couple learns to weather those tests. Healthy relationships mature as the partners themselves mature. They develop the emotional maturity to weather the relationship problems that - left unchecked - will destroy any relationship.Emotional maturity is a commitment to responsibility and accountability and respect. It is the force that distinguishes a healthy relationship. It is the energy that replaces relationship problems with relationship solutions
Relationship problems almost always begin with conflict and anger which, left unchecked, escalate into resentment and hostility. Over time, these emotions devastate the relationship as they destroy trust and accountability and respect.
Resentment and hostility are too frequently fueled by a need to win at any cost. Does that cost include the relationship itself?
Simply put, if one is willing to place the value of the relationship below the value of proving a point or winning, then the relationship is probably past saving. But most relationship problems can be solved if the partners are willing to resolve their differences, to respect their differences, and to replace those differences with responsible actions.
Responsible actions are those that move a couple forward, not backward. These are the actions that release conflict and fortify respect. These are the actions that put cost into perspective by defining the value of the relationship - not the conflict.
Responsible actions begin with three basic principles - Listen, Learn, Forgive.
Listen
To listen is to respect. It is the most important element of communication. Do you care enough about your partner to listen to him/her? Only by listening can a couple begin to discover what is important to each of them individually and as a pair. Listening sets the stage for all future success. Listening is the beginning of the solution.
Learn
Learning means replacing blame with understanding. Rarely is one partner to blame for all of the frustrations. Learning is about releasing resentment. It is about what motivated each of you to behave as you did - and to move past it. A couple that cannot move beyond resentment for what occurred in the past cannot survive. Above all, learning is understanding when it is time to let go of relationship problems that have become larger than the relationship itself. Learn when to compromise. Learn to respect that what you have is greater than a single issue.
Forgive
Unless the relationship problems are so devastating that trust simply cannot be restored, learn to forgive. A relationship void of forgiveness is destined to failure. Forgiveness is a byproduct of listening and learning. It is about accepting your partner's weaknesses as well as his/her strengths. It is the ultimate demonstration of emotional maturity. When it is equal among partners, forgiveness is the crowning glory of accountability and responsibility. It is perhaps the single most powerful of all relationship solutions.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Relationship Problems - Solving Them With Commitment and Mutual Trust
We have emphasized the importance of communication in a relationship. Yet a troubled relationship cannot survive on communication alone. In reality, communication itself is only as strong as the commitment and mutual trust that support that communication.
Commitment is about supporting each other, being there in good times and in bad.
Commitment is about values and responsibility.
• Recognize that your relationship must be a priority. A lasting relationship moves past being "in love" towards a "loving relationship". Investing in a loving relationship is as basic as showing an interest in each other. Take time during the day to stay in touch, show appreciation for your partner.
Above all, never take your relationship for granted.
• Openly show respect for each other.
When you speak and act with respect you are reinforcing that you care about your partner. Displaying respect means taking care of yourself as well as your partner.
• Commitment to one another is about one another. Express your love, your admiration, and your gratitude for your relationship every day. It's as easy as a gentle, a thank you, or an "I love you."
The Importance of Mutual Trust
Trust is essential to the survival of all relationships. Sometimes couples engage in behavior that encourages a lack of trust. Work with each other to resolve those problems by following these basic considerations.
• Accept personal accountability. When you commit to something – do it. Take care of yourself.
• Be considerate. If you're going to be late, call. Endeavor to do caring things for your partner. Never lie.
• Be sensitive to your partner's needs. Even if you disagree, respect your partner's beliefs.
• Fight fairly. Arguments take place in all relationships. Listen for solutions. Don't ever say things you know you will regret. Don't blow things out of proportion.
Together you can work to solve relationship problems and to avoid a relationship breakup. Be patient.
Commitment is about supporting each other, being there in good times and in bad.
Commitment is about values and responsibility.
• Recognize that your relationship must be a priority. A lasting relationship moves past being "in love" towards a "loving relationship". Investing in a loving relationship is as basic as showing an interest in each other. Take time during the day to stay in touch, show appreciation for your partner.
Above all, never take your relationship for granted.
• Openly show respect for each other.
When you speak and act with respect you are reinforcing that you care about your partner. Displaying respect means taking care of yourself as well as your partner.
• Commitment to one another is about one another. Express your love, your admiration, and your gratitude for your relationship every day. It's as easy as a gentle, a thank you, or an "I love you."
The Importance of Mutual Trust
Trust is essential to the survival of all relationships. Sometimes couples engage in behavior that encourages a lack of trust. Work with each other to resolve those problems by following these basic considerations.
• Accept personal accountability. When you commit to something – do it. Take care of yourself.
• Be considerate. If you're going to be late, call. Endeavor to do caring things for your partner. Never lie.
• Be sensitive to your partner's needs. Even if you disagree, respect your partner's beliefs.
• Fight fairly. Arguments take place in all relationships. Listen for solutions. Don't ever say things you know you will regret. Don't blow things out of proportion.
Together you can work to solve relationship problems and to avoid a relationship breakup. Be patient.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Solving Relationship Problems - Begin With Communication
The decision to save a relationship is to consider all the consequences. Relationship problems can be mended with a few exceptions. Those exceptions include abusive relationships and destructive relationships. In each of those cases, you must evaluate the possibility of reconciliation versus the potential for permanent damage. Rarely can a destructive or abusive relationship be salvaged. In either case, professional intervention is warranted.
However, in situations where a relationship is neither profoundly destructive nor abusive, it is possible, even likely that you can solve your relationship problems with some effort on both parts.
Almost all relationship problems begin with insufficient communication. When a couple fails to communicate, they risk losing commitment to one another, resentment rises, and insecurities take over.
Here are some tips for improving communication.
• Above all, make time for each other. Silence the cell phones, put the computer to sleep, and turn on some comforting, soothing music. When necessary, plan specific times every day when the two of you can simply enjoy being with one another. Use your time together to share each other's daily ups and downs, to share a good laugh, and to work to become closer.
• All couples must communicate on persistent relationship problems. To do this, you must mutually establish some ground rules. Consent not to interrupt, to avoid critical comments, and to stop the blame game. If the conversation becomes intense, agree to take a break. When you continue the communication, think about a more public environment if necessary, where hollering really is not an option!
• Beyond all, appreciate that communication is all about listening. Each of you must freely express your position and your beliefs. But even more important is the willingness to listen. The majority of relationship problems can be solved simply by listening to each other.
However, in situations where a relationship is neither profoundly destructive nor abusive, it is possible, even likely that you can solve your relationship problems with some effort on both parts.
Almost all relationship problems begin with insufficient communication. When a couple fails to communicate, they risk losing commitment to one another, resentment rises, and insecurities take over.
Here are some tips for improving communication.
• Above all, make time for each other. Silence the cell phones, put the computer to sleep, and turn on some comforting, soothing music. When necessary, plan specific times every day when the two of you can simply enjoy being with one another. Use your time together to share each other's daily ups and downs, to share a good laugh, and to work to become closer.
• All couples must communicate on persistent relationship problems. To do this, you must mutually establish some ground rules. Consent not to interrupt, to avoid critical comments, and to stop the blame game. If the conversation becomes intense, agree to take a break. When you continue the communication, think about a more public environment if necessary, where hollering really is not an option!
• Beyond all, appreciate that communication is all about listening. Each of you must freely express your position and your beliefs. But even more important is the willingness to listen. The majority of relationship problems can be solved simply by listening to each other.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
How to Say Sorry
One cannot appreciate how to say sorry without a genuine understanding of how one's partner feels. Those feeling are usually a combination of raw emotions such as pain, anger, betrayal, and a lack of trust. In order to truly apologize, one must feel remorse for having caused those feelings. Without remorse, is it possible to avoid a relationship breakup?
Once the feelings of remorse are real, it is time to express that remorse.
Remorse, and likewise an apology, should not come with an explanation. An explanation suggests that the other person is somehow responsible for the actions of the partner offering the apology. An explanation, simply put, is an excuse.
An example might be "you never pay any attention to me." If that is the case, it is the responsibility of the partner who feels this way to communicate the problem before thrashing out or before acting unfairly or unacceptably. An unacceptable action, for example would be to cheat. When an unacceptable action is taken, it becomes the responsibility of the person who chose that route to own up to the mistake without blaming the other. Without recognition of responsibility or acknowledgement of remorse, there is no apology.
An apology must acknowledge the pain of the other person, and it must offer hope for the future. "I regret that I did what I did, and I will show you through my actions that I will never do it again."
More than anything else, an apology must not be offered because of its convenience. An apology that is offered solely as a means to "get out of trouble" is not an apology. To the contrary, an apology must exist over time, through actions and sincerity.
A sincere apology will open the door for improved communications. If a partner has been unfaithful because of his or her beliefs that the other "never pays attention", a sincere apology can pave the way for mutual communication, as long as future actions support the genuineness of the apology.
An apology is a beginning. It must be supported by honest and unafraid positive communication, and an acceptance that trust must have time to rebuild.
How to say sorry? Give love a chance. Enduring love is the single most powerful force for rebuilding the past and looking forward to the future.
Once the feelings of remorse are real, it is time to express that remorse.
Remorse, and likewise an apology, should not come with an explanation. An explanation suggests that the other person is somehow responsible for the actions of the partner offering the apology. An explanation, simply put, is an excuse.
An example might be "you never pay any attention to me." If that is the case, it is the responsibility of the partner who feels this way to communicate the problem before thrashing out or before acting unfairly or unacceptably. An unacceptable action, for example would be to cheat. When an unacceptable action is taken, it becomes the responsibility of the person who chose that route to own up to the mistake without blaming the other. Without recognition of responsibility or acknowledgement of remorse, there is no apology.
An apology must acknowledge the pain of the other person, and it must offer hope for the future. "I regret that I did what I did, and I will show you through my actions that I will never do it again."
More than anything else, an apology must not be offered because of its convenience. An apology that is offered solely as a means to "get out of trouble" is not an apology. To the contrary, an apology must exist over time, through actions and sincerity.
A sincere apology will open the door for improved communications. If a partner has been unfaithful because of his or her beliefs that the other "never pays attention", a sincere apology can pave the way for mutual communication, as long as future actions support the genuineness of the apology.
An apology is a beginning. It must be supported by honest and unafraid positive communication, and an acceptance that trust must have time to rebuild.
How to say sorry? Give love a chance. Enduring love is the single most powerful force for rebuilding the past and looking forward to the future.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Positive Steps for Saving a Relationship
The pain of a relationship breakup is all consuming. In fact, the pain is so intense that there are few moments in life that can equal it. But love can survive when the focus is on saving a relationship rather than on the inevitably of a relationship breakup.
The most important element in saving a relationship is to stay together until the two of you can work on the solutions. In the heat of an argument it is easy to walk out the door, but by all means let passions cool. Will you be able to bear the regret of giving up?
Relationships that matter can almost always be saved when both parties are willing to work at strengthening the relationship. No relationship is perfect. The key is to find your common ground and to work together to change a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship.
Here are some suggestions to get started.
1. Take a break. Is whatever is causing the problem worth the future of the relationship? Calm down. Express your desire to work things out. Stop arguing, and take some time to think about what you want to accomplish.
2. Give each other some time. Resist the urge to try to talk things out when tensions are high. Instead, each of you needs some solitude to approach solutions in a non hostile, non argumentative way. Don't "go to bed angry". Rather, agree to step away to reflect, and to identify the true problems.
3. When the situation has cooled, communicate. Understand that listening is even more important than speaking. Your communications should uncover the real reasons for the problems. One or both of you might be incensed over something over a problem that the other is not even aware of. Only by honest communication, can you hope to expose and to repair the problems.
4. Saving a relationship is about respecting your partner. Sometimes the best way to soothe is to agree to disagree on certain issues. When you can respect each other's points of view, your relationship can flourish despite your differences.
5. With respect comes compromise. Each of you must be willing to compromise for the betterment of one another and for the health of your relationship.
Saving a relationship takes time. Be patient. Find value in your love rather than in your differences.
The most important element in saving a relationship is to stay together until the two of you can work on the solutions. In the heat of an argument it is easy to walk out the door, but by all means let passions cool. Will you be able to bear the regret of giving up?
Relationships that matter can almost always be saved when both parties are willing to work at strengthening the relationship. No relationship is perfect. The key is to find your common ground and to work together to change a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship.
Here are some suggestions to get started.
1. Take a break. Is whatever is causing the problem worth the future of the relationship? Calm down. Express your desire to work things out. Stop arguing, and take some time to think about what you want to accomplish.
2. Give each other some time. Resist the urge to try to talk things out when tensions are high. Instead, each of you needs some solitude to approach solutions in a non hostile, non argumentative way. Don't "go to bed angry". Rather, agree to step away to reflect, and to identify the true problems.
3. When the situation has cooled, communicate. Understand that listening is even more important than speaking. Your communications should uncover the real reasons for the problems. One or both of you might be incensed over something over a problem that the other is not even aware of. Only by honest communication, can you hope to expose and to repair the problems.
4. Saving a relationship is about respecting your partner. Sometimes the best way to soothe is to agree to disagree on certain issues. When you can respect each other's points of view, your relationship can flourish despite your differences.
5. With respect comes compromise. Each of you must be willing to compromise for the betterment of one another and for the health of your relationship.
Saving a relationship takes time. Be patient. Find value in your love rather than in your differences.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Getting Back With An Ex
Getting back with an ex. It can be all consuming. It can be devastating. The emotions are powerful. The risks are inherent. Is it really worth it? Might it just be wiser, or easier to move on?
Begin by examining your true feelings. Is getting back with your ex motivated by the right reasons? Or are your emotions driven by jealousy or revenge? Are you seeking a sense of security, or have you found your genuine life partner, your soul mate?
You must be honest and truthful with yourself. If you are motivated for the wrong reasons, let go. If you are motivated by true and unselfish love, you must act now.
Getting back with an ex is possible. But it must be based on honesty and on the premise that if you lose, you will have to live with the consequences. Accept that you might have to face rejection. Can you handle that? Be honest.
Allow the strength of your love to guide you. If your love is strong enough, and if the reasons to get back together are honest, then it is time for you to meet the challenge.
You must have a plan, and that plan must begin immediately.
1. Resolve that you will be the partner to take action. Take responsibility. You've already dealt with your fears, now is the time to take meaningful action.
2. Don't resort to gimmicks or tricks. That means not lying or scheming, or manipulating. Those tricks might work in the short term, but they will fail you in the end. You want a relationship that is based on trust, not deception. Your goal must be to work towards a long term road for success - a future together.
3. Make contact with your ex. Too many relationships fail because neither partner is willing to reach out to the other. Make your contacts brief at first, and by phone, but also make them regular. But above all, move quickly. Your failure to act immediately could cost you your relationship.
4. Do not make yourself "too available". You need to assert some independence in the beginning.
5. Eventually you will want to meet with your ex. Make it casual, and make it brief. Be genuine, honest, and caring. Do not dwell on the past. Be positive about the future. Communicate honestly. Listen more than you speak.
Getting back with an ex is not as impossible as it might seem if your motivations are honest and open.
Begin by examining your true feelings. Is getting back with your ex motivated by the right reasons? Or are your emotions driven by jealousy or revenge? Are you seeking a sense of security, or have you found your genuine life partner, your soul mate?
You must be honest and truthful with yourself. If you are motivated for the wrong reasons, let go. If you are motivated by true and unselfish love, you must act now.
Getting back with an ex is possible. But it must be based on honesty and on the premise that if you lose, you will have to live with the consequences. Accept that you might have to face rejection. Can you handle that? Be honest.
Allow the strength of your love to guide you. If your love is strong enough, and if the reasons to get back together are honest, then it is time for you to meet the challenge.
You must have a plan, and that plan must begin immediately.
1. Resolve that you will be the partner to take action. Take responsibility. You've already dealt with your fears, now is the time to take meaningful action.
2. Don't resort to gimmicks or tricks. That means not lying or scheming, or manipulating. Those tricks might work in the short term, but they will fail you in the end. You want a relationship that is based on trust, not deception. Your goal must be to work towards a long term road for success - a future together.
3. Make contact with your ex. Too many relationships fail because neither partner is willing to reach out to the other. Make your contacts brief at first, and by phone, but also make them regular. But above all, move quickly. Your failure to act immediately could cost you your relationship.
4. Do not make yourself "too available". You need to assert some independence in the beginning.
5. Eventually you will want to meet with your ex. Make it casual, and make it brief. Be genuine, honest, and caring. Do not dwell on the past. Be positive about the future. Communicate honestly. Listen more than you speak.
Getting back with an ex is not as impossible as it might seem if your motivations are honest and open.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Getting Back Together - Stop Focusing on the Past
Most couples break up for reasons that developed over time. Rarely is a relationship breakup the result of one single event. If getting back together is what you really want, it's definitely not a good idea to dwell on the mistakes of the past. In fact, this could be completely self-defeating to getting back together.
Learn from the past. Rather than digging into the raw emotions that led to the breakup, focus on breaking away from those emotions and look to the future.
Unfortunately most people do focus on the past when trying to get back together. They do in it several ways. First of all, it is not necessary to obsess over what went wrong in the past. We already know what went wrong! Overemphasizing what went wrong before can actually prevent us from taking positive steps toward the future. If you truly want to get back together, learn from the past, and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. Instead, focus on how the two of you can get back together.
The reality is, it really doesn't matter why you broke up. What does matter is if the two of you can grow from the experiences of the past and move forward with the future. All couples suffer setbacks. Those that succeed step forward and take positive efforts to save their relationship.
If your relationship was meant to be, you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to revive that relationship. While you may regret what happened in the past, recognize that there is no greater sense of regret than never knowing what might have been had you tried.
Learn from the past. Rather than digging into the raw emotions that led to the breakup, focus on breaking away from those emotions and look to the future.
Unfortunately most people do focus on the past when trying to get back together. They do in it several ways. First of all, it is not necessary to obsess over what went wrong in the past. We already know what went wrong! Overemphasizing what went wrong before can actually prevent us from taking positive steps toward the future. If you truly want to get back together, learn from the past, and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. Instead, focus on how the two of you can get back together.
The reality is, it really doesn't matter why you broke up. What does matter is if the two of you can grow from the experiences of the past and move forward with the future. All couples suffer setbacks. Those that succeed step forward and take positive efforts to save their relationship.
If your relationship was meant to be, you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to revive that relationship. While you may regret what happened in the past, recognize that there is no greater sense of regret than never knowing what might have been had you tried.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Lasting Relationship Can Be Yours
Couples who can deal with relationship issues during their most difficult times can look forward to transforming a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship. Relationship issues seem far less threatening during the good times. A couple who can survive during the rough times, when conflict takes over, has a far better chance of transforming a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship.
Relationships are founded on responsibility and respect. Combined, those values develop into emotional maturity. And with a sense of emotional maturity and the proper attitude couples can look forward to restoring those times when life was far less complicated.
But a troubled relationship thrives on complications, on anger and on conflict. And these relationship issues can be summed up in a few simple questions.
"Is winning so essential that I am prepared to end the relationship because of it?"
"Am I prepared to win this fight at any price?"
"Is it possible that I can put this conflict behind me and look forward to the future?"
Couples must never allow relationship issues to destroy their love. Begin the healing process by following these important principles for your relationship revival.
1. Avoid unnecessary arguments. Take a strong position only on those relationship issues that are vital. Focus instead on compromise and respect. A couple who can accept these principles will enjoy a lasting relationship.
2. Stop the blame. Things can get rough every day. But it's not your partner's fault. Instead of placing blame – communicate. Fair and open communication enhances consideration and concern, and allows a couple to benefit each other.
3. Listen to one another. To listen is to respect, to accept and appreciate each other's position. If we cannot listen, we cannot solve the problems that confront us.
4. Keep it in the present. It is nearly impossible to solve current problems when we remain focused on the resentment of the past. Resentment is based on blame. Instead, avoid placing blame and concentrate on solving what is happening now.
5. Let things go. Unfortunately, some problems are just beyond resolution. In those instances, it is vital that couples must agree to disagree and move on. Even in a case where your partner will not accept compromise, you must lead by example. This approach is far more important than allowing one single problem to power a relationship breakup.
6. Forgiveness. Love cannot survive without forgiveness. Only through forgiveness can we release the chains of resentment and the need to get even. No doubt, the most formidable enemy to any relationship is the choice to accept resentment over forgiveness.
7. Your relationship must be primary. Particularly when times are tough, it is extremely important that couples must work together to resolve problems. Lasting relationships are built on a couple's ability to respect one another, and to stop viewing each other as adversaries. When a couple dedicates time and effort to their relationship, most all relationship issues can be solved.
Relationships are founded on responsibility and respect. Combined, those values develop into emotional maturity. And with a sense of emotional maturity and the proper attitude couples can look forward to restoring those times when life was far less complicated.
But a troubled relationship thrives on complications, on anger and on conflict. And these relationship issues can be summed up in a few simple questions.
"Is winning so essential that I am prepared to end the relationship because of it?"
"Am I prepared to win this fight at any price?"
"Is it possible that I can put this conflict behind me and look forward to the future?"
Couples must never allow relationship issues to destroy their love. Begin the healing process by following these important principles for your relationship revival.
1. Avoid unnecessary arguments. Take a strong position only on those relationship issues that are vital. Focus instead on compromise and respect. A couple who can accept these principles will enjoy a lasting relationship.
2. Stop the blame. Things can get rough every day. But it's not your partner's fault. Instead of placing blame – communicate. Fair and open communication enhances consideration and concern, and allows a couple to benefit each other.
3. Listen to one another. To listen is to respect, to accept and appreciate each other's position. If we cannot listen, we cannot solve the problems that confront us.
4. Keep it in the present. It is nearly impossible to solve current problems when we remain focused on the resentment of the past. Resentment is based on blame. Instead, avoid placing blame and concentrate on solving what is happening now.
5. Let things go. Unfortunately, some problems are just beyond resolution. In those instances, it is vital that couples must agree to disagree and move on. Even in a case where your partner will not accept compromise, you must lead by example. This approach is far more important than allowing one single problem to power a relationship breakup.
6. Forgiveness. Love cannot survive without forgiveness. Only through forgiveness can we release the chains of resentment and the need to get even. No doubt, the most formidable enemy to any relationship is the choice to accept resentment over forgiveness.
7. Your relationship must be primary. Particularly when times are tough, it is extremely important that couples must work together to resolve problems. Lasting relationships are built on a couple's ability to respect one another, and to stop viewing each other as adversaries. When a couple dedicates time and effort to their relationship, most all relationship issues can be solved.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
When Men Cheat
No doubt men that cheat do so for a variety of reasons. But experts suggest that what makes men cheat is often more common than we would imagine.
Consider these 6 signs of cheating.
1. A Troubled Relationship
Men that cheat are often motivated by a sense that their relationship is stale and lacks the excitement of the past. Instead of working to repair the relationship, these cheating men move outside of their relationship.
2. Emotional Disconnect
When men cheat, studies show that many do so because they feel they are not appreciated by their partner. They believe they do not receive the support and attention they deserve, and they seek support outside of the relationship. The problem is compounded when they fail to communicate these concerns to their partner. Regrettably when these men do cheat, they tend to recognize too late that it is better to seek comfort from the one they love than from a stand in.
3. Revenge
Men that cheat are sometimes so motivated by anger that they retaliate by cheating. This behavior is probably the greatest punishment of all.
4. Fear of Emotional Involvement
Some men that cheat feel uncomfortable with and even fear closeness and intimacy. They seek to distance themselves from their partners by cheating with someone to whom they share no involvement. By having an affair, they believe they are avoiding dependency and vulnerability.
5. Low Self-esteem
When men cheat, some are motivated by a need to boost their ego. They are driven by the need to constantly attract women. Unfortunately these desires are satisfied at the expense of their relationship.
6. The Game of Cheating
Some men that cheat see it as a conquest, a challenge, a pursuit. The excitement never ends for them. They are constantly in the hunt. Their passions are split between the excitement of attracting more and more women who will cheat and the thrill of deceiving their partner. These passions become so intense that they supersede both the affair and the relationship.
For more information and resources, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Consider these 6 signs of cheating.
1. A Troubled Relationship
Men that cheat are often motivated by a sense that their relationship is stale and lacks the excitement of the past. Instead of working to repair the relationship, these cheating men move outside of their relationship.
2. Emotional Disconnect
When men cheat, studies show that many do so because they feel they are not appreciated by their partner. They believe they do not receive the support and attention they deserve, and they seek support outside of the relationship. The problem is compounded when they fail to communicate these concerns to their partner. Regrettably when these men do cheat, they tend to recognize too late that it is better to seek comfort from the one they love than from a stand in.
3. Revenge
Men that cheat are sometimes so motivated by anger that they retaliate by cheating. This behavior is probably the greatest punishment of all.
4. Fear of Emotional Involvement
Some men that cheat feel uncomfortable with and even fear closeness and intimacy. They seek to distance themselves from their partners by cheating with someone to whom they share no involvement. By having an affair, they believe they are avoiding dependency and vulnerability.
5. Low Self-esteem
When men cheat, some are motivated by a need to boost their ego. They are driven by the need to constantly attract women. Unfortunately these desires are satisfied at the expense of their relationship.
6. The Game of Cheating
Some men that cheat see it as a conquest, a challenge, a pursuit. The excitement never ends for them. They are constantly in the hunt. Their passions are split between the excitement of attracting more and more women who will cheat and the thrill of deceiving their partner. These passions become so intense that they supersede both the affair and the relationship.
For more information and resources, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dealing With Conflict In A Relationship
Relationship problems almost always arise from conflict. A conflict in a relationship is more than just a disagreement. While disagreements are usually brief and are relatively easily resolved, conflict is a much deeper emotion. Conflicts stem from everyone's need to feel understood and supported. When these basic needs are not met, we feel insecure and unhappy. When a partner cannot or will not respect and appreciate the needs of the other, conflict occurs.
The problem with conflict in a relationship is that a conflict grows, producing hostility and worse yet, resentment. And as the emotions intensify, relationship problems multiply, and solutions are increasingly difficult. A relationship breakup becomes a very real possibility.
Negative emotions drive conflict. These are the emotions that produce an unwillingness to appreciate what matters to one's partner. These emotions make compromise nearly impossible. They drive anger and hostility slowing driving love away.
In a relationship, each partner has a responsibility to approach conflict in a healthy way, rather than in a negative way. This begins with an understanding that facing conflict - rather than ignoring it and allowing it to fester - is the best defense to defeating it.
Couples must begin by seeking an understanding of what matters to their partner. Speak calmly without accusation.
But communication is not all about speaking. It is more about listening. And when listening, pay careful attention to the emotions that are being expressed, and work to respect those emotions. Some of your best cues for understanding your partner is to look for non verbal clues. Is your partner scowling or crying? Is she pointing aggressively? Can he look you in the face?
Respond to these clues with actions of your own. Put your arm around her, stoke his hand. Gentle, subtle displays of emotion can diffuse an otherwise hostile atmosphere.
With a calmer approach to the conflict at hand, both of you will be in a better position to resolve your differences. By resolving the conflict, you are making the relationship stronger. Resist proving you are "right". Look for areas where you can compromise, and respect that you might simply agree to disagree on others. Above all else, eliminate the resentment. Let go of the past, look forward to the future, and be willing to forgive. You'll both be stronger for it. Isn't that what dealing with conflict in a relationship all about!
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
The problem with conflict in a relationship is that a conflict grows, producing hostility and worse yet, resentment. And as the emotions intensify, relationship problems multiply, and solutions are increasingly difficult. A relationship breakup becomes a very real possibility.
Negative emotions drive conflict. These are the emotions that produce an unwillingness to appreciate what matters to one's partner. These emotions make compromise nearly impossible. They drive anger and hostility slowing driving love away.
In a relationship, each partner has a responsibility to approach conflict in a healthy way, rather than in a negative way. This begins with an understanding that facing conflict - rather than ignoring it and allowing it to fester - is the best defense to defeating it.
Couples must begin by seeking an understanding of what matters to their partner. Speak calmly without accusation.
But communication is not all about speaking. It is more about listening. And when listening, pay careful attention to the emotions that are being expressed, and work to respect those emotions. Some of your best cues for understanding your partner is to look for non verbal clues. Is your partner scowling or crying? Is she pointing aggressively? Can he look you in the face?
Respond to these clues with actions of your own. Put your arm around her, stoke his hand. Gentle, subtle displays of emotion can diffuse an otherwise hostile atmosphere.
With a calmer approach to the conflict at hand, both of you will be in a better position to resolve your differences. By resolving the conflict, you are making the relationship stronger. Resist proving you are "right". Look for areas where you can compromise, and respect that you might simply agree to disagree on others. Above all else, eliminate the resentment. Let go of the past, look forward to the future, and be willing to forgive. You'll both be stronger for it. Isn't that what dealing with conflict in a relationship all about!
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Saving A Relationship
Saving a relationship takes commitment and devotion, but if you can work together as a team, you can avoid a relationship breakup and rebuild what you once had.
Over time all relationships change. The relationships that survive are those that can adjust to changes.
This is not to say that change is a bad thing. To the contrary, change can be a good thing when it is a reflection of maturity and respect.
That which sizzles at the beginning of a relationship will change with time. In a meaningful relationship, what was once an expression of fleeting passion should grow into something more important and more meaningful. It is important not to confuse the two.
Confusion is allowed to exist when communication breaks down. If one partner believes that passion has fizzled because something has "gone wrong", then those feeling must be shared. Saving a relationship begins with communication and sharing.
Begin with these simple steps.
1. Sharing means bonding. Each of you bears responsibility for sharing each other's needs. When those needs are not communicated, hostility and blame take over. More often than not, couples hurt one another without even realizing it. Save a relationship … Share your passions. Share your dreams. Rekindle a passion that was stronger than before!
2. There is no right or wrong. You are no different than other couples who have saved their own relationships before you. Accept that you are two separate people, and being different from one another does not mean that you are incompatible. In fact, those differences might well have been the trigger that brought you together in the beginning. Instead of fight the differences, blend them.
3. Never give in to resentment. Resentment destroys relationships. If you love each other you can, and must, share your desires and your passions without fear. Let go of resentment by letting go of the past. Turn your passions into shared passions, shared dreams, and a shared future.
For whatever it takes, saving a relationship is a measurement of love. While love is not always "easy", it is well worth the effort.
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Over time all relationships change. The relationships that survive are those that can adjust to changes.
This is not to say that change is a bad thing. To the contrary, change can be a good thing when it is a reflection of maturity and respect.
That which sizzles at the beginning of a relationship will change with time. In a meaningful relationship, what was once an expression of fleeting passion should grow into something more important and more meaningful. It is important not to confuse the two.
Confusion is allowed to exist when communication breaks down. If one partner believes that passion has fizzled because something has "gone wrong", then those feeling must be shared. Saving a relationship begins with communication and sharing.
Begin with these simple steps.
1. Sharing means bonding. Each of you bears responsibility for sharing each other's needs. When those needs are not communicated, hostility and blame take over. More often than not, couples hurt one another without even realizing it. Save a relationship … Share your passions. Share your dreams. Rekindle a passion that was stronger than before!
2. There is no right or wrong. You are no different than other couples who have saved their own relationships before you. Accept that you are two separate people, and being different from one another does not mean that you are incompatible. In fact, those differences might well have been the trigger that brought you together in the beginning. Instead of fight the differences, blend them.
3. Never give in to resentment. Resentment destroys relationships. If you love each other you can, and must, share your desires and your passions without fear. Let go of resentment by letting go of the past. Turn your passions into shared passions, shared dreams, and a shared future.
For whatever it takes, saving a relationship is a measurement of love. While love is not always "easy", it is well worth the effort.
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
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