Dealing With Conflict In A Relationship

Relationship problems almost always arise from conflict. A conflict in a relationship is more than just a disagreement. While disagreements are usually brief and are relatively easily resolved, conflict is a much deeper emotion. Conflicts stem from everyone's need to feel understood and supported. When these basic needs are not met, we feel insecure and unhappy. When a partner cannot or will not respect and appreciate the needs of the other, conflict occurs.

The problem with conflict in a relationship is that a conflict grows, producing hostility and worse yet, resentment. And as the emotions intensify, relationship problems multiply, and solutions are increasingly difficult. A relationship breakup becomes a very real possibility.

Negative emotions drive conflict. These are the emotions that produce an unwillingness to appreciate what matters to one's partner. These emotions make compromise nearly impossible. They drive anger and hostility slowing driving love away.

In a relationship, each partner has a responsibility to approach conflict in a healthy way, rather than in a negative way. This begins with an understanding that facing conflict - rather than ignoring it and allowing it to fester - is the best defense to defeating it.

Couples must begin by seeking an understanding of what matters to their partner. Speak calmly without accusation.

But communication is not all about speaking. It is more about listening. And when listening, pay careful attention to the emotions that are being expressed, and work to respect those emotions. Some of your best cues for understanding your partner is to look for non verbal clues. Is your partner scowling or crying? Is she pointing aggressively? Can he look you in the face?

Respond to these clues with actions of your own. Put your arm around her, stoke his hand. Gentle, subtle displays of emotion can diffuse an otherwise hostile atmosphere.

With a calmer approach to the conflict at hand, both of you will be in a better position to resolve your differences. By resolving the conflict, you are making the relationship stronger. Resist proving you are "right". Look for areas where you can compromise, and respect that you might simply agree to disagree on others. Above all else, eliminate the resentment. Let go of the past, look forward to the future, and be willing to forgive. You'll both be stronger for it. Isn't that what dealing with conflict in a relationship all about!

For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com