Getting back with an ex. It can be all consuming. It can be devastating. The emotions are powerful. The risks are inherent. Is it really worth it? Might it just be wiser, or easier to move on?
Begin by examining your true feelings. Is getting back with your ex motivated by the right reasons? Or are your emotions driven by jealousy or revenge? Are you seeking a sense of security, or have you found your genuine life partner, your soul mate?
You must be honest and truthful with yourself. If you are motivated for the wrong reasons, let go. If you are motivated by true and unselfish love, you must act now.
Getting back with an ex is possible. But it must be based on honesty and on the premise that if you lose, you will have to live with the consequences. Accept that you might have to face rejection. Can you handle that? Be honest.
Allow the strength of your love to guide you. If your love is strong enough, and if the reasons to get back together are honest, then it is time for you to meet the challenge.
You must have a plan, and that plan must begin immediately.
1. Resolve that you will be the partner to take action. Take responsibility. You've already dealt with your fears, now is the time to take meaningful action.
2. Don't resort to gimmicks or tricks. That means not lying or scheming, or manipulating. Those tricks might work in the short term, but they will fail you in the end. You want a relationship that is based on trust, not deception. Your goal must be to work towards a long term road for success - a future together.
3. Make contact with your ex. Too many relationships fail because neither partner is willing to reach out to the other. Make your contacts brief at first, and by phone, but also make them regular. But above all, move quickly. Your failure to act immediately could cost you your relationship.
4. Do not make yourself "too available". You need to assert some independence in the beginning.
5. Eventually you will want to meet with your ex. Make it casual, and make it brief. Be genuine, honest, and caring. Do not dwell on the past. Be positive about the future. Communicate honestly. Listen more than you speak.
Getting back with an ex is not as impossible as it might seem if your motivations are honest and open.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Getting Back Together - Stop Focusing on the Past
Most couples break up for reasons that developed over time. Rarely is a relationship breakup the result of one single event. If getting back together is what you really want, it's definitely not a good idea to dwell on the mistakes of the past. In fact, this could be completely self-defeating to getting back together.
Learn from the past. Rather than digging into the raw emotions that led to the breakup, focus on breaking away from those emotions and look to the future.
Unfortunately most people do focus on the past when trying to get back together. They do in it several ways. First of all, it is not necessary to obsess over what went wrong in the past. We already know what went wrong! Overemphasizing what went wrong before can actually prevent us from taking positive steps toward the future. If you truly want to get back together, learn from the past, and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. Instead, focus on how the two of you can get back together.
The reality is, it really doesn't matter why you broke up. What does matter is if the two of you can grow from the experiences of the past and move forward with the future. All couples suffer setbacks. Those that succeed step forward and take positive efforts to save their relationship.
If your relationship was meant to be, you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to revive that relationship. While you may regret what happened in the past, recognize that there is no greater sense of regret than never knowing what might have been had you tried.
Learn from the past. Rather than digging into the raw emotions that led to the breakup, focus on breaking away from those emotions and look to the future.
Unfortunately most people do focus on the past when trying to get back together. They do in it several ways. First of all, it is not necessary to obsess over what went wrong in the past. We already know what went wrong! Overemphasizing what went wrong before can actually prevent us from taking positive steps toward the future. If you truly want to get back together, learn from the past, and resolve not to make the same mistakes again. Instead, focus on how the two of you can get back together.
The reality is, it really doesn't matter why you broke up. What does matter is if the two of you can grow from the experiences of the past and move forward with the future. All couples suffer setbacks. Those that succeed step forward and take positive efforts to save their relationship.
If your relationship was meant to be, you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to revive that relationship. While you may regret what happened in the past, recognize that there is no greater sense of regret than never knowing what might have been had you tried.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Lasting Relationship Can Be Yours
Couples who can deal with relationship issues during their most difficult times can look forward to transforming a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship. Relationship issues seem far less threatening during the good times. A couple who can survive during the rough times, when conflict takes over, has a far better chance of transforming a troubled relationship into a lasting relationship.
Relationships are founded on responsibility and respect. Combined, those values develop into emotional maturity. And with a sense of emotional maturity and the proper attitude couples can look forward to restoring those times when life was far less complicated.
But a troubled relationship thrives on complications, on anger and on conflict. And these relationship issues can be summed up in a few simple questions.
"Is winning so essential that I am prepared to end the relationship because of it?"
"Am I prepared to win this fight at any price?"
"Is it possible that I can put this conflict behind me and look forward to the future?"
Couples must never allow relationship issues to destroy their love. Begin the healing process by following these important principles for your relationship revival.
1. Avoid unnecessary arguments. Take a strong position only on those relationship issues that are vital. Focus instead on compromise and respect. A couple who can accept these principles will enjoy a lasting relationship.
2. Stop the blame. Things can get rough every day. But it's not your partner's fault. Instead of placing blame – communicate. Fair and open communication enhances consideration and concern, and allows a couple to benefit each other.
3. Listen to one another. To listen is to respect, to accept and appreciate each other's position. If we cannot listen, we cannot solve the problems that confront us.
4. Keep it in the present. It is nearly impossible to solve current problems when we remain focused on the resentment of the past. Resentment is based on blame. Instead, avoid placing blame and concentrate on solving what is happening now.
5. Let things go. Unfortunately, some problems are just beyond resolution. In those instances, it is vital that couples must agree to disagree and move on. Even in a case where your partner will not accept compromise, you must lead by example. This approach is far more important than allowing one single problem to power a relationship breakup.
6. Forgiveness. Love cannot survive without forgiveness. Only through forgiveness can we release the chains of resentment and the need to get even. No doubt, the most formidable enemy to any relationship is the choice to accept resentment over forgiveness.
7. Your relationship must be primary. Particularly when times are tough, it is extremely important that couples must work together to resolve problems. Lasting relationships are built on a couple's ability to respect one another, and to stop viewing each other as adversaries. When a couple dedicates time and effort to their relationship, most all relationship issues can be solved.
Relationships are founded on responsibility and respect. Combined, those values develop into emotional maturity. And with a sense of emotional maturity and the proper attitude couples can look forward to restoring those times when life was far less complicated.
But a troubled relationship thrives on complications, on anger and on conflict. And these relationship issues can be summed up in a few simple questions.
"Is winning so essential that I am prepared to end the relationship because of it?"
"Am I prepared to win this fight at any price?"
"Is it possible that I can put this conflict behind me and look forward to the future?"
Couples must never allow relationship issues to destroy their love. Begin the healing process by following these important principles for your relationship revival.
1. Avoid unnecessary arguments. Take a strong position only on those relationship issues that are vital. Focus instead on compromise and respect. A couple who can accept these principles will enjoy a lasting relationship.
2. Stop the blame. Things can get rough every day. But it's not your partner's fault. Instead of placing blame – communicate. Fair and open communication enhances consideration and concern, and allows a couple to benefit each other.
3. Listen to one another. To listen is to respect, to accept and appreciate each other's position. If we cannot listen, we cannot solve the problems that confront us.
4. Keep it in the present. It is nearly impossible to solve current problems when we remain focused on the resentment of the past. Resentment is based on blame. Instead, avoid placing blame and concentrate on solving what is happening now.
5. Let things go. Unfortunately, some problems are just beyond resolution. In those instances, it is vital that couples must agree to disagree and move on. Even in a case where your partner will not accept compromise, you must lead by example. This approach is far more important than allowing one single problem to power a relationship breakup.
6. Forgiveness. Love cannot survive without forgiveness. Only through forgiveness can we release the chains of resentment and the need to get even. No doubt, the most formidable enemy to any relationship is the choice to accept resentment over forgiveness.
7. Your relationship must be primary. Particularly when times are tough, it is extremely important that couples must work together to resolve problems. Lasting relationships are built on a couple's ability to respect one another, and to stop viewing each other as adversaries. When a couple dedicates time and effort to their relationship, most all relationship issues can be solved.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
When Men Cheat
No doubt men that cheat do so for a variety of reasons. But experts suggest that what makes men cheat is often more common than we would imagine.
Consider these 6 signs of cheating.
1. A Troubled Relationship
Men that cheat are often motivated by a sense that their relationship is stale and lacks the excitement of the past. Instead of working to repair the relationship, these cheating men move outside of their relationship.
2. Emotional Disconnect
When men cheat, studies show that many do so because they feel they are not appreciated by their partner. They believe they do not receive the support and attention they deserve, and they seek support outside of the relationship. The problem is compounded when they fail to communicate these concerns to their partner. Regrettably when these men do cheat, they tend to recognize too late that it is better to seek comfort from the one they love than from a stand in.
3. Revenge
Men that cheat are sometimes so motivated by anger that they retaliate by cheating. This behavior is probably the greatest punishment of all.
4. Fear of Emotional Involvement
Some men that cheat feel uncomfortable with and even fear closeness and intimacy. They seek to distance themselves from their partners by cheating with someone to whom they share no involvement. By having an affair, they believe they are avoiding dependency and vulnerability.
5. Low Self-esteem
When men cheat, some are motivated by a need to boost their ego. They are driven by the need to constantly attract women. Unfortunately these desires are satisfied at the expense of their relationship.
6. The Game of Cheating
Some men that cheat see it as a conquest, a challenge, a pursuit. The excitement never ends for them. They are constantly in the hunt. Their passions are split between the excitement of attracting more and more women who will cheat and the thrill of deceiving their partner. These passions become so intense that they supersede both the affair and the relationship.
For more information and resources, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Consider these 6 signs of cheating.
1. A Troubled Relationship
Men that cheat are often motivated by a sense that their relationship is stale and lacks the excitement of the past. Instead of working to repair the relationship, these cheating men move outside of their relationship.
2. Emotional Disconnect
When men cheat, studies show that many do so because they feel they are not appreciated by their partner. They believe they do not receive the support and attention they deserve, and they seek support outside of the relationship. The problem is compounded when they fail to communicate these concerns to their partner. Regrettably when these men do cheat, they tend to recognize too late that it is better to seek comfort from the one they love than from a stand in.
3. Revenge
Men that cheat are sometimes so motivated by anger that they retaliate by cheating. This behavior is probably the greatest punishment of all.
4. Fear of Emotional Involvement
Some men that cheat feel uncomfortable with and even fear closeness and intimacy. They seek to distance themselves from their partners by cheating with someone to whom they share no involvement. By having an affair, they believe they are avoiding dependency and vulnerability.
5. Low Self-esteem
When men cheat, some are motivated by a need to boost their ego. They are driven by the need to constantly attract women. Unfortunately these desires are satisfied at the expense of their relationship.
6. The Game of Cheating
Some men that cheat see it as a conquest, a challenge, a pursuit. The excitement never ends for them. They are constantly in the hunt. Their passions are split between the excitement of attracting more and more women who will cheat and the thrill of deceiving their partner. These passions become so intense that they supersede both the affair and the relationship.
For more information and resources, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Monday, June 20, 2011
Dealing With Conflict In A Relationship
Relationship problems almost always arise from conflict. A conflict in a relationship is more than just a disagreement. While disagreements are usually brief and are relatively easily resolved, conflict is a much deeper emotion. Conflicts stem from everyone's need to feel understood and supported. When these basic needs are not met, we feel insecure and unhappy. When a partner cannot or will not respect and appreciate the needs of the other, conflict occurs.
The problem with conflict in a relationship is that a conflict grows, producing hostility and worse yet, resentment. And as the emotions intensify, relationship problems multiply, and solutions are increasingly difficult. A relationship breakup becomes a very real possibility.
Negative emotions drive conflict. These are the emotions that produce an unwillingness to appreciate what matters to one's partner. These emotions make compromise nearly impossible. They drive anger and hostility slowing driving love away.
In a relationship, each partner has a responsibility to approach conflict in a healthy way, rather than in a negative way. This begins with an understanding that facing conflict - rather than ignoring it and allowing it to fester - is the best defense to defeating it.
Couples must begin by seeking an understanding of what matters to their partner. Speak calmly without accusation.
But communication is not all about speaking. It is more about listening. And when listening, pay careful attention to the emotions that are being expressed, and work to respect those emotions. Some of your best cues for understanding your partner is to look for non verbal clues. Is your partner scowling or crying? Is she pointing aggressively? Can he look you in the face?
Respond to these clues with actions of your own. Put your arm around her, stoke his hand. Gentle, subtle displays of emotion can diffuse an otherwise hostile atmosphere.
With a calmer approach to the conflict at hand, both of you will be in a better position to resolve your differences. By resolving the conflict, you are making the relationship stronger. Resist proving you are "right". Look for areas where you can compromise, and respect that you might simply agree to disagree on others. Above all else, eliminate the resentment. Let go of the past, look forward to the future, and be willing to forgive. You'll both be stronger for it. Isn't that what dealing with conflict in a relationship all about!
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
The problem with conflict in a relationship is that a conflict grows, producing hostility and worse yet, resentment. And as the emotions intensify, relationship problems multiply, and solutions are increasingly difficult. A relationship breakup becomes a very real possibility.
Negative emotions drive conflict. These are the emotions that produce an unwillingness to appreciate what matters to one's partner. These emotions make compromise nearly impossible. They drive anger and hostility slowing driving love away.
In a relationship, each partner has a responsibility to approach conflict in a healthy way, rather than in a negative way. This begins with an understanding that facing conflict - rather than ignoring it and allowing it to fester - is the best defense to defeating it.
Couples must begin by seeking an understanding of what matters to their partner. Speak calmly without accusation.
But communication is not all about speaking. It is more about listening. And when listening, pay careful attention to the emotions that are being expressed, and work to respect those emotions. Some of your best cues for understanding your partner is to look for non verbal clues. Is your partner scowling or crying? Is she pointing aggressively? Can he look you in the face?
Respond to these clues with actions of your own. Put your arm around her, stoke his hand. Gentle, subtle displays of emotion can diffuse an otherwise hostile atmosphere.
With a calmer approach to the conflict at hand, both of you will be in a better position to resolve your differences. By resolving the conflict, you are making the relationship stronger. Resist proving you are "right". Look for areas where you can compromise, and respect that you might simply agree to disagree on others. Above all else, eliminate the resentment. Let go of the past, look forward to the future, and be willing to forgive. You'll both be stronger for it. Isn't that what dealing with conflict in a relationship all about!
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Saving A Relationship
Saving a relationship takes commitment and devotion, but if you can work together as a team, you can avoid a relationship breakup and rebuild what you once had.
Over time all relationships change. The relationships that survive are those that can adjust to changes.
This is not to say that change is a bad thing. To the contrary, change can be a good thing when it is a reflection of maturity and respect.
That which sizzles at the beginning of a relationship will change with time. In a meaningful relationship, what was once an expression of fleeting passion should grow into something more important and more meaningful. It is important not to confuse the two.
Confusion is allowed to exist when communication breaks down. If one partner believes that passion has fizzled because something has "gone wrong", then those feeling must be shared. Saving a relationship begins with communication and sharing.
Begin with these simple steps.
1. Sharing means bonding. Each of you bears responsibility for sharing each other's needs. When those needs are not communicated, hostility and blame take over. More often than not, couples hurt one another without even realizing it. Save a relationship … Share your passions. Share your dreams. Rekindle a passion that was stronger than before!
2. There is no right or wrong. You are no different than other couples who have saved their own relationships before you. Accept that you are two separate people, and being different from one another does not mean that you are incompatible. In fact, those differences might well have been the trigger that brought you together in the beginning. Instead of fight the differences, blend them.
3. Never give in to resentment. Resentment destroys relationships. If you love each other you can, and must, share your desires and your passions without fear. Let go of resentment by letting go of the past. Turn your passions into shared passions, shared dreams, and a shared future.
For whatever it takes, saving a relationship is a measurement of love. While love is not always "easy", it is well worth the effort.
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Over time all relationships change. The relationships that survive are those that can adjust to changes.
This is not to say that change is a bad thing. To the contrary, change can be a good thing when it is a reflection of maturity and respect.
That which sizzles at the beginning of a relationship will change with time. In a meaningful relationship, what was once an expression of fleeting passion should grow into something more important and more meaningful. It is important not to confuse the two.
Confusion is allowed to exist when communication breaks down. If one partner believes that passion has fizzled because something has "gone wrong", then those feeling must be shared. Saving a relationship begins with communication and sharing.
Begin with these simple steps.
1. Sharing means bonding. Each of you bears responsibility for sharing each other's needs. When those needs are not communicated, hostility and blame take over. More often than not, couples hurt one another without even realizing it. Save a relationship … Share your passions. Share your dreams. Rekindle a passion that was stronger than before!
2. There is no right or wrong. You are no different than other couples who have saved their own relationships before you. Accept that you are two separate people, and being different from one another does not mean that you are incompatible. In fact, those differences might well have been the trigger that brought you together in the beginning. Instead of fight the differences, blend them.
3. Never give in to resentment. Resentment destroys relationships. If you love each other you can, and must, share your desires and your passions without fear. Let go of resentment by letting go of the past. Turn your passions into shared passions, shared dreams, and a shared future.
For whatever it takes, saving a relationship is a measurement of love. While love is not always "easy", it is well worth the effort.
For much more, visit Kelly at YourRelationshipBreakup.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)