A relationship is only as strong as the partners that contribute to that relationship. When it becomes necessary to strengthen and improve a relationship, both partners need to look inward.
Many relationships fail when the insecurities of one or both partners overpower that relationship. While insecurities can take on many forms, most typically derive from two basic fears: (1) fear of loss of the other or (2) fear of loss of one's identity. Let's take a closer look at both.
Fear of loss of the other half of your relationship
A relationship must be built on trust and mutual security. When one or both of the couple is driven by a fear of a loss of the relationship, the typical result is controlling behavior. Examples of this would be negative emotions such as blame, denial, resentment, defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal of emotions to name a few. In fact, these controlling behaviors will never improve a relationship. To the contrary, they will destroy the relationship.
Fear of loss of one's identity
When one or both partners fears that the relationship itself is a threat to self identity, little of value can survive. Out of a false sense of survival, partners will again try to control the other by manipulation. Again, insecurity is the driving force that takes over, manifesting itself in negative, controlling emotions.
A couple who is committed to improve a relationship can do so only by looking inward.
Looking inward means defining one's own needs and taking personal responsibility for those needs.
Only by feeling secure with one's self can that individual be secure in any relationship. Security simply cannot stem from a complete dependence on one's partner.
If your true desire is to improve a relationship, begin first by looking within yourself. Respect yourself. Trust yourself. Take responsibility for yourself. Replace insecurity with security.
Ultimately, you - not your partner - are the master of your own happiness … or your own unhappiness.
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