How to Say Sorry

One cannot appreciate how to say sorry without a genuine understanding of how one's partner feels.  Those feeling are usually a combination of raw emotions such as pain, anger, betrayal, and a lack of trust.  In order to truly apologize, one must feel remorse for having caused those feelings.  Without remorse, is it possible to avoid a relationship breakup? 

Once the feelings of remorse are real, it is time to express that remorse.

Remorse, and likewise an apology, should not come with an explanation.  An explanation suggests that the other person is somehow responsible for the actions of the partner offering the apology.  An explanation, simply put, is an excuse.

An example might be "you never pay any attention to me."  If that is the case, it is the responsibility of the partner who feels this way to communicate the problem before thrashing out or before acting unfairly or unacceptably.  An unacceptable action, for example would be to cheat.  When an unacceptable action is taken, it becomes the responsibility of the person who chose that route to own up to the mistake without blaming the other.  Without recognition of responsibility or acknowledgement of remorse, there is no apology.

An apology must acknowledge the pain of the other person, and it must offer hope for the future.  "I regret that I did what I did, and I will show you through my actions that I will never do it again."

More than anything else, an apology must not be offered because of its convenience.  An apology that is offered solely as a means to "get out of trouble" is not an apology.  To the contrary, an apology must exist over time, through actions and sincerity.

A sincere apology will open the door for improved communications.  If a partner has been unfaithful because of his or her beliefs that the other "never pays attention", a sincere apology can pave the way for mutual communication, as long as future actions support the genuineness of the apology.

An apology is a beginning.  It must be supported by honest and unafraid positive communication, and an acceptance that trust must have time to rebuild.

How to say sorry?  Give love a chance.  Enduring love is the single most powerful force for rebuilding the past and looking forward to the future.